As I said, I was up late last night when the news about Steve Jobs broke, and I watched as the trickle in the first moments become a flood of messages that crashed Twitter, pretty much as I watched. More than realising what legacy he’s left for the world, I started thinking about what his death means to me / for me. I was in the process of looking around to get my mother an iPod for her birthday this month when the news broke, so that felt appropriate, but more than that as I started thinking about the mark he’s left on the world, I realised that along with so many other people, he’s left a mark on me too. I love my iPod (Best.Christmas Present. Ever.) and I listen to it every day on the way to and from work. It’s the single element that makes my commute bearable because I can close my eyes and just enjoy the music.
Like so many others, things feel different when I have a ‘soundtrack’ to my life, and the massive capacity of the iPods allow us to carry so many songs, that we know we’ll always have just the right one for any given moment or mood. Music is so evocative of emotion & memories that being able to take it everywhere with you is a gift of amzing proportions. I still remember seeing my very first iPod back when I was still in Cape Town, in 2006 (I think) and thinking then how much I wanted it. i-Products often generate that acquisitiveness in people, “oooooo, I want the new shiny thing!” 5 years later I have the teeny tiny iPod nano (5th / 6th gen) which I wore almost like a badge of pride this morning. It contrasted rather well with the black turtle next I inadvertently wore today - only remembering afterwards that it was the piece of clothing Steve Jobs was known for.
More than that, his death has made me question my own choices, particularly the line from his commencement speech, which has been much quoted today, “Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.” Am I really living the life that I want me to have, or am I taking the safe option, the one that while it provides material goods, doesn’t allow me to be the best ‘me’ I can be? (And I can’t believe how clichéd that sounds… In my head it sounded a lot better) So many of us are in jobs or relationships that offer the ‘trappings’ that society as a whole tells us are the hallmarks of happiness. Deep, deep down, we know - This isn’t where I should be, and this isn’t who I should be with. I’m supremely lucky to have one of the best partners and husbands a woman could ask for and I think that only with him and my family have I ever found real happiness. Apart from that, so much of my life has, and is, being spent in pursuit of things that I believed were important (mostly money and stuff).
So now I sit in a position of having too much stuff, and enough money, and still not finding that makes me go “Aha! I am now completely happy with my life”. Instead now that I’m in such a good position, I find myself realising that it hasn’t really made me happy, instead I’m just plodding along, day by day, in the hope that something will happen to me to make it all better, all ok. Instead I need to be the one making that happen for me! I’ve written 3 books (2 whole, 2 half), and never done anything with them - instead waiting for someone to magically ‘find’ me and get them published. I’ve been so passive for so long, that breaking out of that will be hard, but I need to do it for myself, not wait for someone else to pull me out of that.
I owe it to myself & the man who died yesterday…